Today can be summed up pretty fast: booooring! The day was uneventful, I was running around, feeling lonely, trying to avoid humans.
My custodian wasn’t online very much today. She was meeting with some RL-friends and warned me yesterday that she wouldn’t be able to watch me as closely today. So without my custodian I could visit every sim I wanted, not needing to evade crowds. But no, I’m a well trained Bane and learned from my mistakes yesterday. And to say the truth, I wasn’t sure if my keyholder wouldn’t log in without letting me know about it, just to make some sudden scan of the area. Like I said yesterday, I’m doing everything possible to avoid further demerits. From now on K-47713 is a well trained, rule abiding Bane.
But it wasn’t really hard for me to avoid humans. Seeing them having fun together makes me just envious and angry now. Why are they allowed to have fun when I’m stuck in this damned suit, and bored to death??? I don’t know them, and I don’t know what they talk, if they have fun at all, but every time I see people together I get envious. I even start hating them for being able to have a chat or interact with each other. This life of constant boredom and isolation really is beginning to take its toll now. I’m glad it’s only two more days. I can’t wait to get rid of this suit and meet all my friends again and have fun and long conversations with them.
Without my custodian it’s not nearly as fun and interesting now and it’s not really challenging when I’m not monitored. And I was a bit surprised with myself for concentrating all my anger and frustration at people I don’t even know. Well, I know I don’t hate them; they are just convenient targets for my frustration. I think that’s just normal, to try to vent your frustration, so I’m not bothering myself too much about it. I called it a day after a few hours and I just hope it’s more fun tomorrow. I can’t wait to see the scary ideas the evil brain of my keyholder has in store for me tomorrow. That’s something I’m really going to miss when I’m free again.
K-47713
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5 comments:
Hm ... I think it is now good, if you know if your custodian is online or not.
Try to reach your goal ... and you are not lonely ... I saw you online and thought about you.
Hi Joa,
I know when my custodian is online, but yesterday I wasn't sure if she'd just disable me seeing her online status for the day just to log in unannounced after seeing her friends and test if I'm really such an obedient Bane, even when I think she's offline and meeting with some RL friends. ;) And she wouldn't even do this because she doesn't trust me to be a good little Bane, but just to remind me to always be on my toes and to show me how tight the net really is she has woven around me.
Hi Kathy, thank you for sharing your emotions, which are quite strong, along this hard challenge that is called Banishment. I've been following yours with interest, your experience with Ali as your Custodian is as close to the novel as it gets, really congratulations to you two !
You are experiencing what every other Bane does, in your own unique way... I wish you a safe and rewarding journey through your personal insight, and may you find your Eudeamon (but I think you have, already ^_^).
Marine
Hello Marine,
thank you for posting your comments. :) I'm glad you're interested in my little diary. I was fearing Joaquin and Ali were the only ones to read it.
But writing about my experiences during Banishment helps me very much. When I write these posts, I'm writing what comes to my mind. It's extremely helpful, sometimes I'll discover feelings and insights when I write about them and not before. I'll write something down and then I think: "Gosh, was it really that way?" and yes, it really was. Writing helps me sort my thoughts. That's something that I discovered when I started writing about my Banishment.
It's so very true, the Banishment is a hard challenge, it's supposed to be extremely harsh and not a walk in the park (although walks in parks is all I do most of my SL-time now), but it's at the same time extremely rewarding. I would never miss this experience and I'm glad I tried it. Yes, there are times when I could kick me in my bum for going into Banishmnet, but the insight it gives me about myself is invaluable.
Although I'm glad when I'm out of my suit (hopefully tomorrow evening), I'll take the suit off with mixed feelings. My isolation gave me so very much and at the same time took so much from me. Well...I'm sure I won't be using my suit for a while, but when your Banishment Project is finished, it's unlikely I can resist to give it another try, even if it's just to find out what your wicked mind has cooked up for us poor Banes and to find out if I can discover a bit more about myself.
But I'll have to correct something. I didn't make it clear enough, maybe I'll have to correct my previous posts. Sorry, that you've got it wrong. Alizee or Ali is my RL and SL sister. We're quite close, and do extremely much together in SL and RL. My keyholder/custodian is Zoe. I haven't revealed her name till now, because atm she is no longer my close friend Zoe, but a mindless and emotionless computer, my custodian. Ali and Zoe work closely together. While Ali and I have long phone calls and talk about my isolation and how I feel, Zoe plays the custodian and oversees me. Ali reveals much of our phone calls to Zoe and gives her some insight and warns her if something goes down the drain. This way Zoe can oversee me without having many ooc-conversations (which would disturb rp) and still knows exactly how I'm doing. Zoe and I have only ooc-contact when she thinks something's wrong, when Ali tells her something's wrong and at the end of each day before one of us goes to bed to summarize my day.
And you're right, I've found my Eudeamon, although I don't think this one week will be enough to discover her in rp. The time is just right to feel the isolation and what it does to me, but not long enough to discover my Eudeamon and live with her in symbiosis for some time. I'd have to extend the isolation for one more week at least to do this. I don't want to cramp too much into this week, it wouldn't be very satisfying if we rush through this. But I'm sure there'll be another time to evolve into Kathi/Zoe, maybe when I can try your Banishment Program.
K-47713
I am sure of it ^_^ Sorry for messing up, I of course meant Zoe, not Ali. My bad ^_^
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