Kathi's back

I’m sorry; I’ve got to apologize again. I’m a bit late with my Saturday-report. But I had just so much more on my mind before going to bed yesterday, I hope you understand.
My last day in isolation felt extremely long. Every minute seemed to last at least an hour. I couldn’t wait to see my friends again. When my custodian ordered me back to the lab in the early evening I obeyed at once. We role-played my release and it was as exciting as my maintenance was. When my blindfold was unlocked and removed and I was able to see again for the first time this week it was nearly shocking. I’ve gotten so used to the restrictions of the HUD, even without windlight SL looked beautiful. When my lab-tech removed the gag and I was allowed to speak again, I wasn’t really easy to stop babbling and concentrate on the rp again. But Zoe worked so hard to prepare everything and did such a great work as my custodian and lab-tech, I just had to go on with the role-play. When we were finished we had a long private discussion about our experiences and how we both felt during my Banishment.
I’m not going to post about our discussion or Zoe's feelings and experiences here. I hope she’ll do this herself soon, but I can reveal that, although she enjoyed being my custodian very much and had loads of fun with her Bane, it wasn’t easy for her either. I asked her to do this for me, because she’s not only one of my best friends , but because I was sure she could do this to me without going soft on me or without budging whatever I may say or feel until I safeword. She’s a great, harsh and cruel Domme, one of the best I know, but sometimes she wasn’t really sure how far she could go.
I can say for myself, that I’m not going into Banishment very soon again. My curiosity is satisfied and until Marine is finished with her Banishment Project, I’ll most likely stay away from my Banesuit. I’m quite sure the next few days/weeks I’ll wear casual clothes and stay away from latex. This was the toughest stuff I’ve done in SL so far, from a mental and emotional point of view, an extremely harsh experience, but at the same time a very rewarding one. I wouldn’t miss one second of it, but I really have to warn everyone who thinks about trying this. Think about it, it’s extremely hard and you’ll have to be emotionally very, very strong. Don’t do this if you’re not sure you can cope with the emotional agonies you’ll have to go through. AND even if you’re sure you want to do this, you’ll need somebody who’s strong enough to be your custodian during your isolation.
Anyway, when Marine is finished with her Project, I’m quite sure I’ll have to do this again, I still haven’t found my Eudemon (well, I have, but not in rp and we couldn’t experience the evolution form custodian to Eudeamon in rp) and I want to know how Marines version of the Banishment feels.
Hmm….sorry, got a bit distracted from my diary. When we were finished with our discussion we went home to celebrate my release with my friends and have some fun. It was a wonderful, long night, we all had much to discuss and we all were happy to be together again. I was glad to get to know, that Zoe and my friends stayed in close contact and that Zoe told them what happened during my Banishment. My poor custodian had to take much blame from my friends during that time. ;) I’m glad I’ve chosen her to take care of me. And my fiends read my blog. (So good to know! Hey you jerks; you could have at least posted something nice and encouraging here!) But that didn’t save me from having to tell my story again. It wasn’t a happy story and we all are happy that it’s over now. We chatted and had fun, cuddled and it was one of the best parties I had in SL. I’m sure the next week I won’t have much time, just soooo much more to discuss. ;)

Kathi

Another day, another maintenance

Sorry, I’m a bit late with my Friday report, but I was just too tired yesterday to write my diary before going to bed.
K-47713s day began with another maintenance. It was the same long and humiliating process. After getting my waste disposed, cleaned, thoroughly inspected and probed I was fed again through my digestive tract…humiliating! Zoe rped it all again and she was even better than last time. We both had much fun and enjoyed the whole procedure very much. The maintenance took even longer, but not long enough for my taste. I could have done that the whole day. But of course that wouldn’t be much of an isolation now, would it? At last, I was released and just when I left the lab, my lab-tech called after me and said: “Wait, K-47713!” I just thought “Oh crap…not again, what did I do wrong now???” But wait, I’ve been a good, obedient Bane. I couldn’t have done something wrong, she’s not going to extend my sentence, is she?? I turned and looked at her and she patted me on my head and just said: “Well done, K-47713. We analyzed your custodians records and if you keep up the good work, we’ll see each other soon again when I have to remove your suit. You can go now, K-47713.” I hurried out of the lab, grinning from ear to ear. Now it was official, if I can refrain from making more mistakes I’ll be free tomorrow evening. Can’t wait to see her again when she’s going to release me from my Banesuit. Can’t wait to see my other friends again, have some nice, long conversations and cuddle the whole evening with this scary and evil little lab-tech I’ve met during my isolation. ;)
Meeting Zoe and having the maintenance was fun and I really wouldn’t miss it, but there’s one downside to it. After having so much fun and enjoying the presence of Zoe, accepting the loneliness and isolation again is even harder than before. It helped to know that there’s only one day left, but even that day can be really, really long. I still can’t stand to be around people, seeing them having fun makes my angry and envious, seeing my friends online makes me feel lonelier. I went back to visiting some really nice sims. I’m glad it’s soon over, I’m going out of interesting locations now. But this is one of the acceptable things of the isolation. I’ve seen so many great and interesting sims, when I’m back from my Banishment and can see again without blindfold-HUD, I’ll have pay these sims another visit with my windlight-client.
I logged out after one of my better days during Banishment. I had fun and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel now. And I’m quite sure it’s the end of the tunnel and not a train coming my way. One more day and no more mistakes and Kathi will be back.

K-47713

Booooring.........

Today can be summed up pretty fast: booooring! The day was uneventful, I was running around, feeling lonely, trying to avoid humans.
My custodian wasn’t online very much today. She was meeting with some RL-friends and warned me yesterday that she wouldn’t be able to watch me as closely today. So without my custodian I could visit every sim I wanted, not needing to evade crowds. But no, I’m a well trained Bane and learned from my mistakes yesterday. And to say the truth, I wasn’t sure if my keyholder wouldn’t log in without letting me know about it, just to make some sudden scan of the area. Like I said yesterday, I’m doing everything possible to avoid further demerits. From now on K-47713 is a well trained, rule abiding Bane.
But it wasn’t really hard for me to avoid humans. Seeing them having fun together makes me just envious and angry now. Why are they allowed to have fun when I’m stuck in this damned suit, and bored to death??? I don’t know them, and I don’t know what they talk, if they have fun at all, but every time I see people together I get envious. I even start hating them for being able to have a chat or interact with each other. This life of constant boredom and isolation really is beginning to take its toll now. I’m glad it’s only two more days. I can’t wait to get rid of this suit and meet all my friends again and have fun and long conversations with them.
Without my custodian it’s not nearly as fun and interesting now and it’s not really challenging when I’m not monitored. And I was a bit surprised with myself for concentrating all my anger and frustration at people I don’t even know. Well, I know I don’t hate them; they are just convenient targets for my frustration. I think that’s just normal, to try to vent your frustration, so I’m not bothering myself too much about it. I called it a day after a few hours and I just hope it’s more fun tomorrow. I can’t wait to see the scary ideas the evil brain of my keyholder has in store for me tomorrow. That’s something I’m really going to miss when I’m free again.

K-47713

New Day, New Horrors

New day, new horrors. After yesterday I was nearly convinced that it can’t get worse. I was still ashamed for aiming all my anger and despair at my custodian and being totally wrong with it. I was happy that I was wrong, but I still can’t get how I ever could think she didn’t care about me anymore. The night wasn’t very relaxing. I was still too shaken and an emotional mess to sleep very much. I pondered half the night about my isolation, my feelings and emotions and was still sleepy when I had to get up for work. Not that big a problem, it was a quiet day at work. When I was back at home, I logged in again, and promised me that I’d keep my emotions in check today. My custodian was already online. I was quite surprised about that. It was early for her. And soon I got some more or less pleasant surprises. I was on one of my trips when I discovered that she learned to use her spy remote. My custodian told me that I didn’t keep enough distance to other human beings and that I should get the hell away from them. Great idea. I liked the feeling of being more closely overseen by my custodian and I didn’t mind keeping some distance from other people. Not that I could interact with them anyway. So I’ve tried to keep my distance but from time to time, mostly after teleporting to another sim and rematerializing at a crowded entry point I was unable to keep my distance at once. My keyholder loved to scan the area around me right after I’ve teleported and so I got more than just one messages from my custodian. Creepy computer thing in my brain…protocol violations my ass…I’m not responsible for rematerializing in the midst of a crowd!
After about 2 hours my custodian told me I needed my maintenance. And now I was in for a reall surprise. I got a TP from my custodian and when I arrived at my destination I was in a sterile hospital room with a sick-bed, some unidentifiable computer equipment and a gyn-chair. She built that room especially fro me!! I felt so happy; this was the best moment I had in SL for the whole week. My keyholder was dressed in a white lab-coat and strapped me to the chair, disposed all the waste I produced during my isolation, made some probes and checked the waste reclamation unit, food was pumped through a tube that passed through my digestive tract into my stomach, she did some more probes and checked my custodian. She role-played the whole maintenance with me and during all that time I wasn’t allowed to speak more than just a few sentences with the lab-tech who did my check-up. My maintenance took longer than one and a half hours and it was the best and craziest experience I had since a very long time. She made such a fuss about my well-being and some fine-tuning of my custodian. It was the most embarrassing, most thorough and most enjoyable medical examination I ever had. ;) I had a great evening, I must admit that, but then she dismissed me with the words: “K-47713, during the maintenance your custodians protocol violation reports were analyzed and demerits assigned. Your sentence was extended by another month (= 1 additional day). Try harder, K-47713.” Ughhh…….!! Well, attacking the lab-tech, who was intelligent enough to lock the door behind me, would most likely get me a much longer sentence so I just stomped out of the building and went to my good old park to wallow in self-pity again. I didn’t try to have an ooc-chat with my custodian. I needed to figure some things out for myself now. I sat down on my bench and really started thinking about my isolation. Is this really worth all the trouble? Why did I do this again?? Is my keyholder gone completely nuts now??? Will I be able to finish this???? All this was on my mind and kept me thinking and contemplating for some time. I don’t really need to say, that the thought of being isolated and without my friends for one more day made me swallow sad. I became angry at my keyholder, why did she do this? Great idea…..let’s allow K-47713 to have some fun and enjoy her isolation for one and a half hour, then kick her in her latex-clad bum! I knew my keyholder was scary and could be damn cruel but this??? Crap…!!! I was hoping to be out of this suit in two days and now it’s one more. I’ll have to wear my suit now till Saturday. But in the end, I realized, there’s nobody else to blame but me. I urged her to read the story; I wanted the experience as close to the story as possible and I am here because I want to be here and because I choose to be here! She just does the best she can to make the experience as real and extreme as possible and at the same time she does everything she can to make it enjoyable for me. She went to all the trouble with the maintenance. She rented the small plot of land, built the little clinic-room and even thought about some interesting and fun role-play for me. I should be thankful and not pissed. I asked her to be my keyholder, because I knew she’d be able to make my isolation as extreme and scary as possible. I knew she’s push my limits and I asked her because of it. I knew she’d be the only one of my friends who could expose me to these situations without getting weak and without feeling enough pity with me to make it easier. She knows me good enough to know my limits – maybe even better than I know them myself. All these thoughts calmed me down a bit and allowed me to assess my situation without anger. And in the end I had to admit, today wasn’t too bad a day. The role-play during my maintenance was great and just enough fun for me to accept the additional day. Although I’m still not getting one bit used to the boredom and the inability to chat with my friends is extremely hard and it gets worse every day. At the moment I’m not really sure I can do this till Saturday, but I’ll try and do my best. Having a working and alert custodian changed the experience just enough to make the experiment interesting again. Now I have some rules I’ve got to stick to, I’ve got to be cautious, because I’m being monitored now and punished for not abiding to the rules. I can’t just do whatever I want. It’s a completely new level of Banishment. No, in fact, only now it is Banishment and not only isolation. My new goal in life: no more demerits. I’ve got a new challenge, and I’ll do everything humanly possible to achieve my aim. I am and ever was an extremely goal oriented person; this may just be enough of a challenge now to keep me going. To sum this day up, it was another emotional rollercoaster-ride for me. It had some ups, a few downs, all in all it wasn’t too bad a day for K-47713. I had enough from sitting alone on my bench, pitying myself. I got up and promised myself to do better from now on, be stronger. I know, I know, tomorrow I'm back on my bench, but let me at least keep my illusions for a few hours. ;) So I went back exploring this wonderful world again, hoping to find something interesting enough to distract me for a few hours.
Before going to bed, I had another ooc-chat with my (extremely worried) keyholder/custodian. She wanted to know how I'm doing. And I told her everything. I told her about every little thought that crossed my mind after I got my extended sentence. When I was finished, she was happy. Not only because I really appreciated what she did for me, or because she did not go too far, I think what made her happy most of all was her pride in my willingness to go on, to keep going, that she assessed me correctly and that I’m trusting her enough to keep on going, to allow her to control me completely.

K-47713

Ali, my lovely - and not at all bitchy - sister

A few words about Alizee, my wonderful sister. Aka the Little Bitch Sister from Hell. If you see her, run like hell, she's not nearly as nice as she looks. ;))
Ok, just joking. She cute as cake and one of the loveliest persons I know. We both love to tease each other and even if it looks like we're not nice to each other, that's just our way of having fun together.
Ali is a switch like me and when she's in subbie mood, she's one of the kindest and most submissive women I know. Although she's stubborn and saucy as hell. She's a lot like me, you can do nearly everything kinky with her, she's just going to love it. Of course, don't even try something with children, animals, dismemberment, or something like that. But these are hard limits we both have. But be careful when she's in her dominant phase. She can get scary as hell, and she gets really inventive on you. It's great fun to watch her work on a poor sub and I learned much, very, very much from my little sister. She's one of the best Dommes I know, most likely because she's one of the cutest subbies I know.
The normal maxim of a big sister: "If you hurt my little sister, you're getting yourself into real trouble with me!" is true, but totally unnecessary. If you hurt her, she'll make your life a living hell on her own, she doesn't really need me to do that, but of course, I'm right in front of her, doing my best to make your life as miserable as possible. ;)

That's her, putting poor isolated me in a padded cell. The picture was taken when we both tested my Isolation Suit before I was locked up and went into Banishment.

The Isolation continues (or: Little Bitch Sister from Hell)

I started my next day as K-47713 in quite a good mood. I had a really great day in RL and didn’t want anything to change that. Even my blindfold couldn’t really bother me, maybe I’ll get used to it more and more. The previous days it was hard the first minutes after login and I always cursed myself for trying the isolation with activated blindfold HUD. Well….not today. I was happy and felt like nothing could bother me. So I started my SL day by visiting some more sims I always wanted to visit but never took the time to see. I had some fun, but when more and more of my friends logged in I grew more and more restless. I just itched to talk to them tell them about my day and have some fun with them. Of course I was unable to do that. Being separated from them, well, it’s much worse than anticipated. Even exploring SL wasn’t that much fun anymore. Seeing all the people around me having a great time and conversing made me envy them. I went to a retreat I’ve found a few weeks ago, a really nice and lonely spot I always visit if I need some time for myself and feel the need to be alone. Just like that all my good mood was gone and I just wanted to wallow in my feelings of loneliness. When my keyholder logged in at last, I was happy to chat with her. Of course she didn’t answer me. I forgot that she wanted to play the custodian from now on and custodians don’t have nice conversations with their Banes, they just give orders and correct them.  All my pleading and wailing didn’t help me one bit. She’s really serious. On the one hand that’s exactly what I wanted and itched to try, and on the other hand….how could I ever be stupid enough to try and WANT something like that???? At some point – maybe after half an hour of pleading - I stopped trying to communicate with her. I couldn’t believe it, she really was serious with it and went into cold-hearted –bitch-mode. How could she do that to me? Didn’t she care anymore? Didn’t she see how miserable I was? Emotionally I was somewhere between self-pity and anger. Well that went for a few hours. I sat gloomily on my bench, thinking about the mess I got myself into, thinking about my friends, missing them all terribly, missing talking to somebody – anybody. I don’t know when or why exactly, but at one point I realized I was actually crying in RL. The isolation was really draining me emotionally and mentally. I was really happy when my sister called. We had another hour-long phone call and we talked about my little experiment and my feelings. I cried a bit and she did her best, but in the end she wasn’t able to cheer me up one little bit. She asked me if I wanted to stop if it affected me that much and we both dissected my feelings and she helped me a great deal here. I’m not only too stubborn, but I know I’m able to take more. And if I’d end my little experiment now I’d kick myself in my bum a few days from now. I need to go through with it till the end or I’ll always wonder about the possible outcome. I didn’t feel happier or more interested in leaving my little hideaway when we ended our phone call, but at least I was convinced again that I’m doing the right thing. So I sat on my bench a bit longer before I finally decided to give the world another visit. It was getting extremely late in my timezone, most of my friends had already logged off and with more and more of them gone back to RL it got a bit easier to cope with my isolation again. I wandered around a little bit more but I still couldn’t stand seeing other people having fun. Finally I decided to call it a day and go to bed. My custodian was still online and I decided to tell her at least that I wanted to go to bed now. That’s when she decided to have an ooc-chat with me. She asked me how I was doing and I told her about my day and my feelings. She told me that after I stopped trying to chat with her she got worried and asked Ali about me. That’s why my lil sis called. She relayed everything we talked about and all the conclusions we drew to my custodian. Well…nice work lil sis. I didn’t know if I should kill Ali or kiss her when we see each other again. At least, it was too late to give her another phone call and call her names.  But what really ashamed me was that I was ever thinking that my keyholder stopped thinking about me, caring for me, worrying how I was doing. How could I ever think that??? She found a nice loophole, I’ll have to admit that. My sis spied on me and she could play the perfect custodian without me suspecting anything. She told me that she wasn’t sure if she should keep that secret, but during our ooc-chat she decided that it would be better to tell me about it. I’m really happy she did that. I was happy again and felt so much better now. What I really realized than was that it’s not only hard for the Bane, it’s maybe as hard as for the custodian. My friends care for me, they want me to be happy, but a custodian does not care for the happiness of the Bane. It’s just a machine programmed to keep the Bane safe and healthy, it follows it’s programming, oversees the Bane and punishes her when necessary. It’s not easy for one of my friends to be my custodian, to play the cold-hearted-machine who doesn’t care one bit about me. Well yes, she’s a sadistic evil bitch if she want’s to, and I know that she loves to test my limits and expand them. She likes to Domme me and she really enjoys pushing my buttons. She knows how much I wanted this and that I need to go through this, but I’ve seen how much I worried her today. She may be much, but she’ll never be somebody who doesn’t care about my happiness and well-being. And seeing me mentally suffer so much was hard for her, too. And that wasn’t even my last day in isolation. Let’s see what happens tomorrow. I’m not sure if it can get worse now.

K-47713

A Few Answers (Part II)

I got a notecard today asking me how I am able to teleport around while using Marines viewer. I'm not supposed to run around on my own with it. Yes, that's true. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't circumvent the no-teleportation-rule, but in the story the Banes are allowed to explore the whole city (except private property or entering buildings). In my opinion the Banishment is hard enough without having to stay in only the sim my house is built on. That would be pretty damn boring. I’d be stuck in my park and would go crazy even sooner. That’s why I added a few lines to the alerts.xml. If you want to do this to improve your own banishment, add



to the alerts.xml file and you’ll be able to use your landmarks with Marines viewer. But please don’t use this to cheat around restrictions given to you by your Mistress or Master. I’m ONLY doing this because as a Bane I should be allowed to see more than just my own property. Oh, by the way, sorry I'm posting this as a photo and don't write it down. I know it would be easier for you to just copy and paste the text to your alerts.xml, but when I just write the text down on my blog the Html-conversion of the blog transfers the Html-code and you can't read the text any longer. If somebody knows how to prevent this, it would be nice if you could post it in the comments.
But please, from now on, if you have questions, post them in my comments and don’t drop me notecards. I don’t want to and will not cheat around my isolation by using notecards. When I’m online I’m only reacting to my custodian. So please, don’t try to start a conversation by using notecards.

K-47713

Continued Isolation

Well...the next day of my isolation was a mix of emotions, happiness and frustration. I was at home most of the day, sitting in my park, relaxing. My sis promised me to show up with some friends and keep me company. It was great to see so many of my friends enjoying themselves and having fun. It was great to see them there, knowing how much they care. But not being able to understand them, to follow their conversation and talk to them got more and more frustrating. Only a few days ago, at the beginning of my isolation, I was happy to be freed from all my duties, and enjoyed not having to talk, or needing to do anything. Now after a few days it gets harder and harder. Now it really sinks in what not being able to talk with my friends really means for me. Being isolated is not nearly as enjoyable as it was in the beginning. Sis and I talked on the phone for about two hours in the evening and bisected my feelings and emotions. That really helped me a great deal. Talking with her on the phone was like having a lifeline, my connection to one of the people I really love and who know what I’m going through at the moment. When I first began to fantasize about the isolation, I felt like I could do something like that for weeks, now I’m not even sure I want to go till the end of my sentence. Well…not that I have a choice. I’ve chatted with my keyholder for a long time. She’s the only one I can talk to in SL, you can’t imagine how happy I was when she logged in. We had a nice and interesting conversation and much fun. She did not read Eudeamon before my isolation and when she told me she finished reading it today and can truly understand why I craved to do this I was very happy. Not many of my friends could understand my wish to try this. We had a long and extremely interesting discussion about Eudeamon and our feelings while reading it. We talked about my experience during my short isolation and she decided to change her behavior towards me for the rest of my sentence. She will stop acting like my keyholder and confidant and just be my custodian from now on. And her second decision was that Kathi will cease to exist for the rest of my sentence and be replaced by K-47713. Sigh….so much for having at least one person to talk to. Crap….why did I urge her to read the story before the end of my isolation??

K-47713

Restricted Vision

Just a comparison of two screenshots. One was taken with HUD-objects (blindfolded) and the other one without HUD-objects.
Now you have an idea how I'll see my world during my isolation. It looks far worse as it is. You'll get used to it quite fast. After a few minutes you stop bumping into other people and after a few hours you don't even think about the blindfold anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'd be much happier to replace the blindfold with the static Marine is going to use in her Banesuit, but until I'll be able to get to use her finished Banesuit, I can deal with my blindfold.




Kathi

Stupid Mistakes

Well.....I'm stupid......at least sometimes. Did All this testing with my suit and missed one serious mistake. Instead of putting the NoRecieveIM script in my hood I put the NoSendIM script in it. Of course, when I realized that I was able to recieve IMs my keyholder was offline and I couldn't do anything against it. At least I was still unable to see the normal chat. I had to wait till she was back on to be able to find out what I did wrong and change that. So the first evening and part of my first day in Isolation I wasn't nearly as isolated as I wanted to be. Crap.... Well, as punishment for my little mistake and for having to unlock my suit I was sentenced for two additional days. ;) I'm not really sure if I should be happy about my mistake or not atm.
Ok, so my first day was quite nice to say the truth. I am able to tp around and see all the nice places I always wanted to visit but never had the time before. Now I can't chat with friends, I can't work on my castle or improve my park, no way to build stuff......! Well...it was like a nice vacation from all my duties. Of course I still got IMs so I didn't feel the isolation as much as intended. I've seen lots of nice and wonderfully designed sims and got loads of ideas to improve my own home now. ;) Even more to do now when I'm out of my isolation. Of course, being unable to see the chat around me or answering can get a bit on your nerves, but luckily most of my friends weren't online, so I was spared to see them try to talk with me or see their IMs. I think, that's going to be the hardest part, seeing them online and knowing they want to talk with me, interact with me, but being unable to do so. I'll find out soon enough. One thing I really hated was all the people goggling at me, pointing their fingers at the crazed out latex girl....at least that's what I think they do. I can't hear them, I can only imagine what they say and think. Being unable to hear can be a salvation or a curse, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes what you make up in your mind is so much more nasty than what happens in reality.
Another thing I'll stop doing during my isolation is window-shopping. I went to one of my fav malls to see if there's something new and interesting. Well....crap....I've seen tons of stuff I'd like to buy. You know, I'm a bit addicted to shopping in SL, and it's most definitely not enjoyable to walk through a mall with great new stuff if you can't buy something. I was itching to lay my hands on some stylish new corset or tons of other stuff. Ughh.....! I just hope Marine finishes her Custodian soon, that will at least prevent me from entering buildings and doing frustrating window-shopping trips.

More of my isolation later or tomorrow.

Kathi

A few answers

Hello,
my last posts resulted in quite a lot questions I got inworld. Actually, I was quite sure I'll write this blog for me, my sis and one or maybe two friends. Looks like I was wrong with that and more than just four people read my blog. First, I really have to apologize for not writing very much here. I never got comments and was under the impression that nobody's really interested in this blog and just used it to amuse myself. Sorry again folks, I'll try to update the blog more often and write e bit more about myself.
Now I'd like to ask you to write any new questions about the suit or the isolation here in my comments. I'm in my Iso-Suit now and can't read or answer your IMs `till I'm free again.
First and most important, I'd like to give you some background information about my Isolation and why I'm doing this. A few weeks ago I've read about a short-story called "Eudeamon" and was intrigued. The story was written by Erika, or Evil Dolly, and you can download it here on Erikas blog. I really, really urge you read this story. If you're into Latex, bondage, long-term isolation you're going to love it. But this story is so much more than that. It's about being different than the rest of the society you're living in, about being shunned by society but finding acceptance and true love and happiness. It's most definitely not an erotic novel. Only a few pages are sexual or erotic. It's not a book about bondage or a fetish. It's not a book you will read and don't need to contemplate about it. It's not a story that doesn't affect you. It's not what most people consider "light" or "easy" reading. I'm a book-worm and spend many hours a week reading books, but not ONE of the hundreds (well, more like thousands) of books I've read in my life made me that thoughtful. The book is like an emotional rollercoaster-ride and it WILL affect you deeply. I downloaded the book in the evening and wanted to read a few pages before going to sleep. The story got me and sucked me right into it. I couldn't stop until I've read every single page. And than I was unable to sleep for the rest of the night because I had to think about it. I'm an emotional person, I'll admit to that freely, but I'm not one of the people who can cry during a movie or while reading a book, at least not until I've read Eudeamon. I'm not going to philosophize here and draw parallels from the story to our society. Do that for yourselves. I'm not telling you more about my emotions, how much I've cried, how often I was terrified and shocked, how lonely I've felt and how hard it was to continue reading sometimes. Erika has a way to immerse you in the story, make you feel like Katrina, make you wish and dread to be Katrina. After I've read the story, I wrote Erika emails (just a few thousand words)and thanked her for this wonderful story and told her about my emotions while reading it. I'm not going to tell you much more about it here on my blog. Read the story and judge for yourselves. All I want to tell you is that this story changed me and my view to the world, it affected me like very few things before in my whole life. It's more than just a story for me and it affects me more and more the more I'll think about it. Call it an obsession, call it religion or stupidity, I'm happy that this short-story changed my life. Read it and maybe you'll understand why I can't wait to try Marines Banishment Project and at the same time feel horrible fear for myself and the person I am right now.
So much for Eudeamon, the nest question is about why in hell, cute and nice Kathi is going into isolation. ;) This Iso-Suit is the next best experience I can have until Marine has finished her Banesuit and her Banishment Program. You've read how I was affected by the short-story, so you'll understand that I NEED to try the Banesuit as soon as possible. But until I can go into Banishment, I'll have the opportunity to try a "light"-version of it. No custodian (read the story, if you want to know what that is), no Eudeamon and I can choose to use a good friend as keyholder. That makes this first isolation easier and less frustrating for myself. Of course, sometimes, I'd love to have a very, very harsh and restrictive keyholder who acts like a human custodian and isn't nice with me, who doesn't chat with me except for a few commands and makes the isolation as intense and restrictive as possible for me. I'll do this when I go into Banishment, but for now, I'd like to learn and see how the isolation affects me. Like I said before, I know this will change me and on the one hand I need to find out how it does and on the other hand I fear loosing myself. Now I'll get a less intense experience before doing the real stuff. Maybe I'm cautious, maybe I'm a coward, but I feel, this is the best for me.
Wish me luck.

More about my first isolation-experience soon on this blog.

Kathi

Test Run

Well, I've done the first test run of my isolation suit today. I wanted to be able to roam SL while I'm isolated and I had to adjust the alerts.xml of my viewer to be able to tp around, because I didn't know if there's something I could do with the scripts of my suit to allow me to tp around SL. I wanted to strt my Banishment today, but a few last bugs had to be ironed out and I just wasn't unable to do much more than just a test run for a few hours. These first few hours were quite intense. Many of my friends tried to speak with me and were quite a bit annoyed with my little test. Of course, being isolated, I didn't notice much of their annoyance except of seeing many messages about blocked IMs by my viewer. Ali was the one who had to answer all the questions about her big sister going totally nuts now. ;) I can say now that the suit works perfect. Almost a bit too perfect for my taste. I can't hear, I can't talk, I can't rezz, I can't edit, I can see only the little bit Daris blindfold with Marines scripts allows me on it easiest setting, but I am able to tp around and frequent the sims I want. That's the best I can do to imitate the life of a Bane in SL with my limited capabilities. I just hope Marine finishes her Banishment Project soon and I'll be able to do try the real thing.
This was the end of my test runs and tomorrow will be the beginning of a new and interesting experience for me. A friend of mine offered herself as the one to take my keys during my isolation. Ali and I had a long phone call and we decided that my friend would be much better suited to take control of my isolation. Well, looks like it's getting serious for me tomorrow. I'm not really sure if I should say goodbye to my friends before going into Banishment for a few days. I'm kind of afraid that they'll be able to talk me out of it. Or is this just me being too scared to chat with them a last time before taking that final step into banishment? I'm not sure, at least, I'll have another night to think about my feelings.
I'm scared now, but also excited. I know there's no way back for me now. I've got to do this or I'll never know how it'll be for me. I'll keep you posted, during my banishment maybe even on a daily basis.
Oh, and by the way that's me in my Isolation Suit:

As you can see, I'm a vain person. I want to look good, even shunned and isolated. Well, I've figured, this is just my personal isolation suit and I can savor looking good while isolated as long as possible until Marine has finished her own Banesuit which will look much more like the one described in Erikas (Evil-Dolly)short-story. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to try Marines Banesuit and I DO want her version to look like the one in the story, but as long as I just use my "light"-version of the suit, I can look good. I'd love to replace looking good with a custodian, but as long as I don't have one, I'll take whatever perks I can get. I'm using a KDC-catsuit and corset with Szentesha boots. The restraints are Marines Serious Shackles (the complete set), her gag, Daris blindfold with Marines scripts in it, Fairlight mittens and Lycia's inflatable latex ballhood, again with Marines scripts in it. I'm using the current 1.12 version of Marines scripts and items by the way. But as mentioned before, if you want to be able to tp around on your own, you'll have to edit the alerts.xml if you want to use the items in the 1.12 version without any fiddling.
So if you see me running around SL, don't be angry if you try to talk to me and I don't respond. I just can't hear you or chat with you. ;)

Iso Suit

Ok, I just can't resist anymore. Today I'm going to create my own isolation suit. I'm using some great ideas Velicia Llewellyn posted here on the Subbie Union blog and mix it with a few ideas of my own. Yesterday my sis helped me with some test runs with Marines original items to get a feeling for it. I looove her RL-viewer (thank you so very, very much for creating that viewer, Marine), but during the last few weeks I'm not using it every time I log in, because I'm just too fond of the Windlight-viewer and it's features. If you don't have the RL-viewer, you can download the Windows version here). So I just wanted to get an idea of what I'm getting myself into when ALL the scripts of Marines toys are activated and locked at the same time for more than a few minutes. Helpful (and evil) as my little sister is and always was, she locked me up for quite a bit longer than intended. Maybe I should think about finding somebody less wicked to lock me up once my suit is finished. But on the other hand, it should be a harsh experience, so it's probably better to let Ali have her fun with me.
I've got all the stuff I need for the suit now and made all the necessary changes for my suit. As soon as little sister is back online I'll let her lock me up. Hmm....can't wait for her to show up on the one hand, on the other hand I'm a lil bit scared now. Being caged and isolated for a week was totally boring and frustrating for me, let's see what happens when I can move around while isolated. I feel like a little guinea pig now.
Wish me luck, I'm sure I'll need it. I'll try to keep you posted and blog my feelings and experiences here.

Kathi