Ali, my lovely - and not at all bitchy - sister

A few words about Alizee, my wonderful sister. Aka the Little Bitch Sister from Hell. If you see her, run like hell, she's not nearly as nice as she looks. ;))
Ok, just joking. She cute as cake and one of the loveliest persons I know. We both love to tease each other and even if it looks like we're not nice to each other, that's just our way of having fun together.
Ali is a switch like me and when she's in subbie mood, she's one of the kindest and most submissive women I know. Although she's stubborn and saucy as hell. She's a lot like me, you can do nearly everything kinky with her, she's just going to love it. Of course, don't even try something with children, animals, dismemberment, or something like that. But these are hard limits we both have. But be careful when she's in her dominant phase. She can get scary as hell, and she gets really inventive on you. It's great fun to watch her work on a poor sub and I learned much, very, very much from my little sister. She's one of the best Dommes I know, most likely because she's one of the cutest subbies I know.
The normal maxim of a big sister: "If you hurt my little sister, you're getting yourself into real trouble with me!" is true, but totally unnecessary. If you hurt her, she'll make your life a living hell on her own, she doesn't really need me to do that, but of course, I'm right in front of her, doing my best to make your life as miserable as possible. ;)

That's her, putting poor isolated me in a padded cell. The picture was taken when we both tested my Isolation Suit before I was locked up and went into Banishment.

The Isolation continues (or: Little Bitch Sister from Hell)

I started my next day as K-47713 in quite a good mood. I had a really great day in RL and didn’t want anything to change that. Even my blindfold couldn’t really bother me, maybe I’ll get used to it more and more. The previous days it was hard the first minutes after login and I always cursed myself for trying the isolation with activated blindfold HUD. Well….not today. I was happy and felt like nothing could bother me. So I started my SL day by visiting some more sims I always wanted to visit but never took the time to see. I had some fun, but when more and more of my friends logged in I grew more and more restless. I just itched to talk to them tell them about my day and have some fun with them. Of course I was unable to do that. Being separated from them, well, it’s much worse than anticipated. Even exploring SL wasn’t that much fun anymore. Seeing all the people around me having a great time and conversing made me envy them. I went to a retreat I’ve found a few weeks ago, a really nice and lonely spot I always visit if I need some time for myself and feel the need to be alone. Just like that all my good mood was gone and I just wanted to wallow in my feelings of loneliness. When my keyholder logged in at last, I was happy to chat with her. Of course she didn’t answer me. I forgot that she wanted to play the custodian from now on and custodians don’t have nice conversations with their Banes, they just give orders and correct them.  All my pleading and wailing didn’t help me one bit. She’s really serious. On the one hand that’s exactly what I wanted and itched to try, and on the other hand….how could I ever be stupid enough to try and WANT something like that???? At some point – maybe after half an hour of pleading - I stopped trying to communicate with her. I couldn’t believe it, she really was serious with it and went into cold-hearted –bitch-mode. How could she do that to me? Didn’t she care anymore? Didn’t she see how miserable I was? Emotionally I was somewhere between self-pity and anger. Well that went for a few hours. I sat gloomily on my bench, thinking about the mess I got myself into, thinking about my friends, missing them all terribly, missing talking to somebody – anybody. I don’t know when or why exactly, but at one point I realized I was actually crying in RL. The isolation was really draining me emotionally and mentally. I was really happy when my sister called. We had another hour-long phone call and we talked about my little experiment and my feelings. I cried a bit and she did her best, but in the end she wasn’t able to cheer me up one little bit. She asked me if I wanted to stop if it affected me that much and we both dissected my feelings and she helped me a great deal here. I’m not only too stubborn, but I know I’m able to take more. And if I’d end my little experiment now I’d kick myself in my bum a few days from now. I need to go through with it till the end or I’ll always wonder about the possible outcome. I didn’t feel happier or more interested in leaving my little hideaway when we ended our phone call, but at least I was convinced again that I’m doing the right thing. So I sat on my bench a bit longer before I finally decided to give the world another visit. It was getting extremely late in my timezone, most of my friends had already logged off and with more and more of them gone back to RL it got a bit easier to cope with my isolation again. I wandered around a little bit more but I still couldn’t stand seeing other people having fun. Finally I decided to call it a day and go to bed. My custodian was still online and I decided to tell her at least that I wanted to go to bed now. That’s when she decided to have an ooc-chat with me. She asked me how I was doing and I told her about my day and my feelings. She told me that after I stopped trying to chat with her she got worried and asked Ali about me. That’s why my lil sis called. She relayed everything we talked about and all the conclusions we drew to my custodian. Well…nice work lil sis. I didn’t know if I should kill Ali or kiss her when we see each other again. At least, it was too late to give her another phone call and call her names.  But what really ashamed me was that I was ever thinking that my keyholder stopped thinking about me, caring for me, worrying how I was doing. How could I ever think that??? She found a nice loophole, I’ll have to admit that. My sis spied on me and she could play the perfect custodian without me suspecting anything. She told me that she wasn’t sure if she should keep that secret, but during our ooc-chat she decided that it would be better to tell me about it. I’m really happy she did that. I was happy again and felt so much better now. What I really realized than was that it’s not only hard for the Bane, it’s maybe as hard as for the custodian. My friends care for me, they want me to be happy, but a custodian does not care for the happiness of the Bane. It’s just a machine programmed to keep the Bane safe and healthy, it follows it’s programming, oversees the Bane and punishes her when necessary. It’s not easy for one of my friends to be my custodian, to play the cold-hearted-machine who doesn’t care one bit about me. Well yes, she’s a sadistic evil bitch if she want’s to, and I know that she loves to test my limits and expand them. She likes to Domme me and she really enjoys pushing my buttons. She knows how much I wanted this and that I need to go through this, but I’ve seen how much I worried her today. She may be much, but she’ll never be somebody who doesn’t care about my happiness and well-being. And seeing me mentally suffer so much was hard for her, too. And that wasn’t even my last day in isolation. Let’s see what happens tomorrow. I’m not sure if it can get worse now.

K-47713

A Few Answers (Part II)

I got a notecard today asking me how I am able to teleport around while using Marines viewer. I'm not supposed to run around on my own with it. Yes, that's true. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't circumvent the no-teleportation-rule, but in the story the Banes are allowed to explore the whole city (except private property or entering buildings). In my opinion the Banishment is hard enough without having to stay in only the sim my house is built on. That would be pretty damn boring. I’d be stuck in my park and would go crazy even sooner. That’s why I added a few lines to the alerts.xml. If you want to do this to improve your own banishment, add



to the alerts.xml file and you’ll be able to use your landmarks with Marines viewer. But please don’t use this to cheat around restrictions given to you by your Mistress or Master. I’m ONLY doing this because as a Bane I should be allowed to see more than just my own property. Oh, by the way, sorry I'm posting this as a photo and don't write it down. I know it would be easier for you to just copy and paste the text to your alerts.xml, but when I just write the text down on my blog the Html-conversion of the blog transfers the Html-code and you can't read the text any longer. If somebody knows how to prevent this, it would be nice if you could post it in the comments.
But please, from now on, if you have questions, post them in my comments and don’t drop me notecards. I don’t want to and will not cheat around my isolation by using notecards. When I’m online I’m only reacting to my custodian. So please, don’t try to start a conversation by using notecards.

K-47713

Continued Isolation

Well...the next day of my isolation was a mix of emotions, happiness and frustration. I was at home most of the day, sitting in my park, relaxing. My sis promised me to show up with some friends and keep me company. It was great to see so many of my friends enjoying themselves and having fun. It was great to see them there, knowing how much they care. But not being able to understand them, to follow their conversation and talk to them got more and more frustrating. Only a few days ago, at the beginning of my isolation, I was happy to be freed from all my duties, and enjoyed not having to talk, or needing to do anything. Now after a few days it gets harder and harder. Now it really sinks in what not being able to talk with my friends really means for me. Being isolated is not nearly as enjoyable as it was in the beginning. Sis and I talked on the phone for about two hours in the evening and bisected my feelings and emotions. That really helped me a great deal. Talking with her on the phone was like having a lifeline, my connection to one of the people I really love and who know what I’m going through at the moment. When I first began to fantasize about the isolation, I felt like I could do something like that for weeks, now I’m not even sure I want to go till the end of my sentence. Well…not that I have a choice. I’ve chatted with my keyholder for a long time. She’s the only one I can talk to in SL, you can’t imagine how happy I was when she logged in. We had a nice and interesting conversation and much fun. She did not read Eudeamon before my isolation and when she told me she finished reading it today and can truly understand why I craved to do this I was very happy. Not many of my friends could understand my wish to try this. We had a long and extremely interesting discussion about Eudeamon and our feelings while reading it. We talked about my experience during my short isolation and she decided to change her behavior towards me for the rest of my sentence. She will stop acting like my keyholder and confidant and just be my custodian from now on. And her second decision was that Kathi will cease to exist for the rest of my sentence and be replaced by K-47713. Sigh….so much for having at least one person to talk to. Crap….why did I urge her to read the story before the end of my isolation??

K-47713

Restricted Vision

Just a comparison of two screenshots. One was taken with HUD-objects (blindfolded) and the other one without HUD-objects.
Now you have an idea how I'll see my world during my isolation. It looks far worse as it is. You'll get used to it quite fast. After a few minutes you stop bumping into other people and after a few hours you don't even think about the blindfold anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'd be much happier to replace the blindfold with the static Marine is going to use in her Banesuit, but until I'll be able to get to use her finished Banesuit, I can deal with my blindfold.




Kathi

Stupid Mistakes

Well.....I'm stupid......at least sometimes. Did All this testing with my suit and missed one serious mistake. Instead of putting the NoRecieveIM script in my hood I put the NoSendIM script in it. Of course, when I realized that I was able to recieve IMs my keyholder was offline and I couldn't do anything against it. At least I was still unable to see the normal chat. I had to wait till she was back on to be able to find out what I did wrong and change that. So the first evening and part of my first day in Isolation I wasn't nearly as isolated as I wanted to be. Crap.... Well, as punishment for my little mistake and for having to unlock my suit I was sentenced for two additional days. ;) I'm not really sure if I should be happy about my mistake or not atm.
Ok, so my first day was quite nice to say the truth. I am able to tp around and see all the nice places I always wanted to visit but never had the time before. Now I can't chat with friends, I can't work on my castle or improve my park, no way to build stuff......! Well...it was like a nice vacation from all my duties. Of course I still got IMs so I didn't feel the isolation as much as intended. I've seen lots of nice and wonderfully designed sims and got loads of ideas to improve my own home now. ;) Even more to do now when I'm out of my isolation. Of course, being unable to see the chat around me or answering can get a bit on your nerves, but luckily most of my friends weren't online, so I was spared to see them try to talk with me or see their IMs. I think, that's going to be the hardest part, seeing them online and knowing they want to talk with me, interact with me, but being unable to do so. I'll find out soon enough. One thing I really hated was all the people goggling at me, pointing their fingers at the crazed out latex girl....at least that's what I think they do. I can't hear them, I can only imagine what they say and think. Being unable to hear can be a salvation or a curse, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes what you make up in your mind is so much more nasty than what happens in reality.
Another thing I'll stop doing during my isolation is window-shopping. I went to one of my fav malls to see if there's something new and interesting. Well....crap....I've seen tons of stuff I'd like to buy. You know, I'm a bit addicted to shopping in SL, and it's most definitely not enjoyable to walk through a mall with great new stuff if you can't buy something. I was itching to lay my hands on some stylish new corset or tons of other stuff. Ughh.....! I just hope Marine finishes her Custodian soon, that will at least prevent me from entering buildings and doing frustrating window-shopping trips.

More of my isolation later or tomorrow.

Kathi

A few answers

Hello,
my last posts resulted in quite a lot questions I got inworld. Actually, I was quite sure I'll write this blog for me, my sis and one or maybe two friends. Looks like I was wrong with that and more than just four people read my blog. First, I really have to apologize for not writing very much here. I never got comments and was under the impression that nobody's really interested in this blog and just used it to amuse myself. Sorry again folks, I'll try to update the blog more often and write e bit more about myself.
Now I'd like to ask you to write any new questions about the suit or the isolation here in my comments. I'm in my Iso-Suit now and can't read or answer your IMs `till I'm free again.
First and most important, I'd like to give you some background information about my Isolation and why I'm doing this. A few weeks ago I've read about a short-story called "Eudeamon" and was intrigued. The story was written by Erika, or Evil Dolly, and you can download it here on Erikas blog. I really, really urge you read this story. If you're into Latex, bondage, long-term isolation you're going to love it. But this story is so much more than that. It's about being different than the rest of the society you're living in, about being shunned by society but finding acceptance and true love and happiness. It's most definitely not an erotic novel. Only a few pages are sexual or erotic. It's not a book about bondage or a fetish. It's not a book you will read and don't need to contemplate about it. It's not a story that doesn't affect you. It's not what most people consider "light" or "easy" reading. I'm a book-worm and spend many hours a week reading books, but not ONE of the hundreds (well, more like thousands) of books I've read in my life made me that thoughtful. The book is like an emotional rollercoaster-ride and it WILL affect you deeply. I downloaded the book in the evening and wanted to read a few pages before going to sleep. The story got me and sucked me right into it. I couldn't stop until I've read every single page. And than I was unable to sleep for the rest of the night because I had to think about it. I'm an emotional person, I'll admit to that freely, but I'm not one of the people who can cry during a movie or while reading a book, at least not until I've read Eudeamon. I'm not going to philosophize here and draw parallels from the story to our society. Do that for yourselves. I'm not telling you more about my emotions, how much I've cried, how often I was terrified and shocked, how lonely I've felt and how hard it was to continue reading sometimes. Erika has a way to immerse you in the story, make you feel like Katrina, make you wish and dread to be Katrina. After I've read the story, I wrote Erika emails (just a few thousand words)and thanked her for this wonderful story and told her about my emotions while reading it. I'm not going to tell you much more about it here on my blog. Read the story and judge for yourselves. All I want to tell you is that this story changed me and my view to the world, it affected me like very few things before in my whole life. It's more than just a story for me and it affects me more and more the more I'll think about it. Call it an obsession, call it religion or stupidity, I'm happy that this short-story changed my life. Read it and maybe you'll understand why I can't wait to try Marines Banishment Project and at the same time feel horrible fear for myself and the person I am right now.
So much for Eudeamon, the nest question is about why in hell, cute and nice Kathi is going into isolation. ;) This Iso-Suit is the next best experience I can have until Marine has finished her Banesuit and her Banishment Program. You've read how I was affected by the short-story, so you'll understand that I NEED to try the Banesuit as soon as possible. But until I can go into Banishment, I'll have the opportunity to try a "light"-version of it. No custodian (read the story, if you want to know what that is), no Eudeamon and I can choose to use a good friend as keyholder. That makes this first isolation easier and less frustrating for myself. Of course, sometimes, I'd love to have a very, very harsh and restrictive keyholder who acts like a human custodian and isn't nice with me, who doesn't chat with me except for a few commands and makes the isolation as intense and restrictive as possible for me. I'll do this when I go into Banishment, but for now, I'd like to learn and see how the isolation affects me. Like I said before, I know this will change me and on the one hand I need to find out how it does and on the other hand I fear loosing myself. Now I'll get a less intense experience before doing the real stuff. Maybe I'm cautious, maybe I'm a coward, but I feel, this is the best for me.
Wish me luck.

More about my first isolation-experience soon on this blog.

Kathi

Test Run

Well, I've done the first test run of my isolation suit today. I wanted to be able to roam SL while I'm isolated and I had to adjust the alerts.xml of my viewer to be able to tp around, because I didn't know if there's something I could do with the scripts of my suit to allow me to tp around SL. I wanted to strt my Banishment today, but a few last bugs had to be ironed out and I just wasn't unable to do much more than just a test run for a few hours. These first few hours were quite intense. Many of my friends tried to speak with me and were quite a bit annoyed with my little test. Of course, being isolated, I didn't notice much of their annoyance except of seeing many messages about blocked IMs by my viewer. Ali was the one who had to answer all the questions about her big sister going totally nuts now. ;) I can say now that the suit works perfect. Almost a bit too perfect for my taste. I can't hear, I can't talk, I can't rezz, I can't edit, I can see only the little bit Daris blindfold with Marines scripts allows me on it easiest setting, but I am able to tp around and frequent the sims I want. That's the best I can do to imitate the life of a Bane in SL with my limited capabilities. I just hope Marine finishes her Banishment Project soon and I'll be able to do try the real thing.
This was the end of my test runs and tomorrow will be the beginning of a new and interesting experience for me. A friend of mine offered herself as the one to take my keys during my isolation. Ali and I had a long phone call and we decided that my friend would be much better suited to take control of my isolation. Well, looks like it's getting serious for me tomorrow. I'm not really sure if I should say goodbye to my friends before going into Banishment for a few days. I'm kind of afraid that they'll be able to talk me out of it. Or is this just me being too scared to chat with them a last time before taking that final step into banishment? I'm not sure, at least, I'll have another night to think about my feelings.
I'm scared now, but also excited. I know there's no way back for me now. I've got to do this or I'll never know how it'll be for me. I'll keep you posted, during my banishment maybe even on a daily basis.
Oh, and by the way that's me in my Isolation Suit:

As you can see, I'm a vain person. I want to look good, even shunned and isolated. Well, I've figured, this is just my personal isolation suit and I can savor looking good while isolated as long as possible until Marine has finished her own Banesuit which will look much more like the one described in Erikas (Evil-Dolly)short-story. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to try Marines Banesuit and I DO want her version to look like the one in the story, but as long as I just use my "light"-version of the suit, I can look good. I'd love to replace looking good with a custodian, but as long as I don't have one, I'll take whatever perks I can get. I'm using a KDC-catsuit and corset with Szentesha boots. The restraints are Marines Serious Shackles (the complete set), her gag, Daris blindfold with Marines scripts in it, Fairlight mittens and Lycia's inflatable latex ballhood, again with Marines scripts in it. I'm using the current 1.12 version of Marines scripts and items by the way. But as mentioned before, if you want to be able to tp around on your own, you'll have to edit the alerts.xml if you want to use the items in the 1.12 version without any fiddling.
So if you see me running around SL, don't be angry if you try to talk to me and I don't respond. I just can't hear you or chat with you. ;)

Iso Suit

Ok, I just can't resist anymore. Today I'm going to create my own isolation suit. I'm using some great ideas Velicia Llewellyn posted here on the Subbie Union blog and mix it with a few ideas of my own. Yesterday my sis helped me with some test runs with Marines original items to get a feeling for it. I looove her RL-viewer (thank you so very, very much for creating that viewer, Marine), but during the last few weeks I'm not using it every time I log in, because I'm just too fond of the Windlight-viewer and it's features. If you don't have the RL-viewer, you can download the Windows version here). So I just wanted to get an idea of what I'm getting myself into when ALL the scripts of Marines toys are activated and locked at the same time for more than a few minutes. Helpful (and evil) as my little sister is and always was, she locked me up for quite a bit longer than intended. Maybe I should think about finding somebody less wicked to lock me up once my suit is finished. But on the other hand, it should be a harsh experience, so it's probably better to let Ali have her fun with me.
I've got all the stuff I need for the suit now and made all the necessary changes for my suit. As soon as little sister is back online I'll let her lock me up. Hmm....can't wait for her to show up on the one hand, on the other hand I'm a lil bit scared now. Being caged and isolated for a week was totally boring and frustrating for me, let's see what happens when I can move around while isolated. I feel like a little guinea pig now.
Wish me luck, I'm sure I'll need it. I'll try to keep you posted and blog my feelings and experiences here.

Kathi

"The Bishop Bondage Test" or "How you should get tied up!"

I found this on the net a few hours ago and just had to take the test. I've got to admit, the test is quite accurate. That'd be one hell of a great position for me. :) If you've got a minute or two, do yourself a favor and take the test. You've got to answer only 4 questions and the result can be quite interesting.

Your Bishop Bondage Position There, good little pet. You'll stay locked right outside here until we get back. How would you be tied up? Take the Bishop Bondage Test (only 4 questions)